Begin.

You have to roll in the dark to see the light.

We all dance around, flailing our arms and flinging our hearts, and we don't have any answers. No matter who you're looking at, they don't have it figured out. There are days for everyone where your heart falls on the floor and gets stomped on and your brain is a fog of sadness and your body is ugly to you and your  life is one big fuckin crapshoot of shit you dont feel like dealing with; oh hell no i'm not going out there, the world is full of criminals and rapists and pirates and bastards who hurt me! Things are wrong! Things are painful! Things are difficult and I am exhausted. And I don't have any money. Or potential. And I stubbed my toe. And my stomach hurts. And nobody cares about me and my pants ripped and my family is weird and my job is hard and the sun is hot and everyone around me has personality flaws. And, also, it's much easier to sit here and bitch than it is to get up and do something. So fuck it.


We are really, superbly excellent at inventing ways to limit ourselves. As a human situation it may be our truest gift.

Or, anyway, I know I am. Or, have been.

I fall in holes. One day I'll tell you everything is shit and glare at you over the top of my mug of organic, free range chai tea with almond milk and local honey, trying to bring you down to my presumed, laughable level of loathing and darkness. You don't know me, shit is harder than you can possibly imagine. I am unique in my struggle. Hiss.

Yeah, on those days, don't listen to me. I can be a real asshole. I have a lot of practice.

I have lot of practice hating myself, I have a lot of practice with destructive thought and negative patterning. I'm a super good crier, a master of those kinds of sobs that wrack your soul, those ones that simultaneously release you and embarrass you with their raw tonalities---my god, that sound just came out of my body? Quaking in my heartache and fear those sobs of darkness provided me a backdrop in front of which i place laughter. Release. Trust. Joy. The beauty of the here and now and the incredibly simplistic concept of creating one goal in your life and allowing it to guide you--the goal of enjoyment.

Enjoying your life, your body, your friendships, your future, your past. Focusing in on creating things that are truly good and healthy and, basically, having a whole lot of fun. Resting in the notion that you know and trust yourself and that you are beautiful. Resting in the notion that other people are basically good and will not leap out from behind a building and bash you in the head with something, at least not most days. And, when they do, you have been training so long as a sad, angry ninja that you'll finally get your opportunity to release all that, too, when you kick the shit out of that guy. Or, turn the other cheek and learn a lesson or two from the experience, revel in some personal growth. Whatever floats your boat.

It's a lot more difficult to laugh with your whole gut than it is to cry. Both activities will snowball--the more frequently you do anything the easier it becomes--and that's a pretty basic choice. Would you prefer a life where there were more tears of sadness, of doubt and fear and confusion, or more guffaws of hilarity?  Would you rather focus on, in the course of your hours of awareness, the shit in your life that is limiting and annoying or the things that you like to do, the things that bring you joy and peace and bliss?

It's all your perception and its all within your power. Go write a blues song and then join the party. Go chain smoke cigarettes while lying on the floor listlessly pouring over your own destruction and then get the fuck up and stick your stupid face in a flower and breath in really deep. I'm talkin about using your whole lungs here--stick your face in the flower and breathe into your stomach, remind yourself of your diaphragm and huff that delicious flowery, succulent, passionate scent. Then tell me again what's wrong. Raise your hands up in the air and shake your hips from side to side. Real slow like, the first time, don't want to pull a muscle. Then open your mouth. I know, its difficult, multi-tasking like this. Shake your hips and open your mouth and now comes the hard part---sing. While high as a kite on the smell of a flower, shake your hips and open your mouth and sing. Or yell. Or read a food product label out loud. Just open your mouth and make noises with your voice!

Then, tell me how you feel. Tell me how you feel while singing and laughing and sniffing flowers. That feeling, right there, is what makes it worth it, to me, to be alive. What gives me the motion for my potion, baby, the grime for my rhyme.

Be gentle with you.
Breathe into your laughter!