fear

i would like to talk about this, the concept of fear. that little white noise that wells up inside of you whenever you encounter something in your world that makes you uncomfortable, uneasy, queasy wheezy otherwise disconcerted. why? what is it that you're scared of, exactly? how true is it? how long have you been shoving it aside, accepting it as part of your person?

i have made a sincere effort in my life to approach and engage every fear i have. between the concepts of engaging and facing fears and, my new years resolution, being as honest as humanly possible with myself and others i have a lot on my plate as i head into this next stage of life.

but, do i?

shouldn't those two concepts be things that are innate to us all? how deeply have we been programmed to disregard our fears and to shy away from our honest, raw selves?

we're all just fucking human.

we're all fucking beautiful and we're all totally flawed.

we break things and fuck up and take shits and sing off key and eat too many cookies.

fuck it.

i'm really awkward. it has taken me until the age of 25 to finally feel absolutely at home in my own skin, and this is thanks, in no small part, to all the shenanigans in my life that have occurred and literally forced me to face my fears, my demons, my humanity. from sailing a boat across oceans to thrashing around like a fool in deep intense love, i have knocked on the door of most every corridor of my heart. she answered. she smells like woodsmoke.

and now, through concepts like true self-acceptance and practices like the absolutely soul-bearing and heart-opening practice of Yoga, i have found that i have very little left to fear, and that most of the things that i do fear are rather irrational and definitely approachable.

boomshakalaka.

its uplifting, its inspiring, its energizing, its soulful its fun. its realizing you're not as important as you think you are yet, simultaneously, you're everything. you are all and you are nothing. there is so much that is left uncertain. what else is there but to approach your life with an open heart and fearless soul? and ain't it just the swellest feeling, let me tell you.

here's a fun list of things i can think of, offhand, that i'm afraid of today.

wolves with glowing red eyes

being trapped in a small space

being poor forever

being alone forever

that everything, perhaps, is useless.

not being able to provide for the people i love

not being good enough

midgets

the ocean

i bet you're afraid of lots of the same things. i bet your fears ebb and pulse like the very earth we walk upon. i bet you're more afraid some days than others, sometimes totally inexplicably.

so what.

so what i fear all those things. so what if they do happen? what if they happen ALL AT ONCE. imagine if i die alone trapped in a small box with a red-eyed midget wolf in the middle of the ocean while my loved ones die of starvation and poverty all the while they're making fun of me behind my back because goddamn if i didn't just go and put myself in that box, didn't i.

shift your perception. screw with your own concepts of what's up and what's down.

what if that midget wolf and i end up having a good conversation.

what if everyone loves you.

what if the whole world supported you because you were living for your passion and leading with your heart.

what if you keep getting the shit end of the stick but you never give up cause you're brave and you're awesome and you're the only you.

yeah, those things are better than midget wolves.

passion trumps fear.

passion jumps up and down on top of fear, laughing hysterically, thrilled in its only body and its only life.

passion wears a pinstriped top hat and enjoys vanilla ice cream in the shade.

its never too late to have a happy childhood

-tom robbins.